Saturday, October 16, 2010
Seeking catharsis...
There are a few things in my life that I am absolutely passionate about. Without these things the quality of my life is diminished. Besides my family and my faith, dance has been my biggest passion. I've been a dancer since I was a small child and a teacher for the past 15 years. I've never known a job outside of dance, whether performing, teaching, or choreographing. When other people complain about their jobs, I've always been able to say that I honestly LOVE my work. I've even heard many fellow dance teachers say things like "I can't wait to go home", "I hate this class", "I don't want to be here." Even in challenging classes and situations, being able to reach out to students and share my love of dance with them has brought me nothing but joy. When my family moved to Wyoming and I became a full-time stay-at-home-mom, the hardest part of that transition was not teaching. I literally ached to be in the classroom again. I couldn't listen to music. I couldn't watch So You Think You Can Dance or look at photos of my students. It hurt to not dance. Then, when we made the decision to move back to California and I was looking into teaching again, I was thrilled. My first few weeks back in class were wonderful. I felt alive again (out of shape, but alive). But now, I'm wondering if it's time to permanently say goodbye. The situation is such that I may not have the opportunity to teach anymore. This economy, my poor timing in starting classes because of our move, the lack of help advertising my classes, and all the not-fun political crap that all dance studios deal with is bringing me to a place where teaching isn't possible. Part of me wants to just walk away, give up, forget dancing all together. Another part of me wants to wait and see - maybe other opportunities are on the horizon? Are these odds that are stacked against me a sign of some sort? Should I be hearing "you've had your fun, move on" or is this just another challenge to overcome? I never dreamed that I would not be able to dance, but that is the looming reality. Do I move on to other things or fight to hold on? Ugh, I don't normally share such personal things here on this blog, but I had a feeling that I should. What do you think? Have you been in a similar situation? What did/would you do?
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Oh, Tessa :( I don't know.
ReplyDeleteDon't give up on it because it's tough. Only give up on it if you can honestly say you're over it. If you fight through these things and get back to where you want(ed) to be, will you sit back and think YES!? Or will you feel an anti-climax? Will it be tainted? Do you have to let go of who you are to give it up, or to keep going?
Don't lose who you are.
Sorry to hear that you are having a hard time! I say, don't give up... you have to have faith that either the situation you are in will get better, or another chance will come your way... I know it will :):):):):):):):):):):):):):)
ReplyDeleteTessa I am right there with you, but in a different industry. I love teaching, but just can't seem to make it the income I need right now. It is so tough. I am not sure what to tell you to do, but I just wanted you to know that there are other people struggling with the same thing. Keep breathing, praying, and another opportunity will come. Don't give up. Thanks for opening your heart right here on your blog!
ReplyDeleteI did have a similar situation years ago now. I TRULY understand this feeling. I say DON'T give up! you love it, it's part of you. Be patient it will come!
ReplyDeleteYou are passionate about dance. don't give up! This is only a challenge. Can I recommend that you pull out that LO you did about dance during the world cup? It could be an inspiration right now.
ReplyDeleteSorry you are going through this Tessa :( From your posts, I know how passionate you are about dance and you should not give up. I'm in the education world as well and know all the "crap" that goes on there -but I LOVE to teach, it's my passion as well. There are several adversities facing my district right now that have many people throwing in the towel (for good reason maybe) but I can't let go of the joy it brings me to walk through those doors and see the light bulbs going off above my kids' heads. Have faith, knock on doors, and do what you have to do to make it happen, whether its now or later :)
ReplyDeleteOh how I wish you were here - you would have TONS of new students as there is no dance studio here. My Bree is really missing dance and settled on taking clogging through the school but she is seriously missing ballet and was hoping to get into some modern or hip hop classes. Whatever you decide, I wish you the best - take care!
ReplyDeleteGosh this is me! I stopped coaching (Figure Skating) about 12 years ago and still miss it! Have you looked into teaching classes for the Parks and Recreation District in your area? All the cities around me have one and they all offer dance for both children and adults and it cuts on the studio rental overhead, it might not be a great salary, but it will keep you in it.
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